The Pikachu Project
by Sailor Mac
Summary: A parody of "The Blair Witch Project" featuring Team Rocket behind the cameras.


In August 1998, three members of Team Rocket vanished while taping

themselves tracking a Pikachu through the Black Woods area of the Viridian

Forest.

One year later, their footage was found. . .

Sailor Mac presents. . .

THE PIKACHU PROJECT

* * *

MEMO

FROM: Officer Jenny

TO: Chief Yoshi

At your request, I have prepared a transcript of the tapes that I

discovered in the Viridian Forest. I understand that several people who

have viewed the tapes already have gone into seizures from the herky-jerky

camerawork. I agree with you that a written transcript is the safest way to

approach the material.

First, some background: I have been on the Team Rocket beat for several

years. For the past year, I had noticed that three of their most active -

but incompetent - members had suddenly vanished from sight. I was unable to

turn up any leads as to where they may have gone into hiding.

While tracking another Team Rocket squad through the Black Woods area of

the Viridian Forest, I came across a canvas bag buried under a pile of

leaves. The bag contained several camcorder tapes, some of them bearing

handwritten labels saying, "TR-PIKACHU PROJECT." Upon bringing them back to

headquarters and viewing them, I realized what I had found is a filmed

record of events leading up to the missing trio's disappearance.

I have positively identified the main figures in the tapes as follows:

JESSICA WENTWORTH, a.k.a. Jessie Rocket, d/o/b 11/3/81. Long red hair worn

combed straight back and heavily sprayed, blue eyes, about five foot six.

JAMES HILLENDALE, a.k.a. James Rocket, d/o/b 3/13/81. Chin-length blue

hair parted in midde, green eyes, around five foot seven. Both are teenaged

runaways from privileged families who ended up hooking up with Team Rocket.

Noticeable for having the lowest entrance exam scores in the history of

Pokemon Tech.

A MEOWTH who can communicate in human language and seems to have a higher

level of intelligence than most of his species.

Scenes were written down as they were percieved to be.Chronological

order was extrapolated. The first tape was shot at Team Rocket

headquarters, the subsequent ones in the Black Woods. I have put them

together in the order they appear to have been shot in. For the accuracy of

the record, I have noted the cameraperson for each shot.

* * *

(Hallway.Jessie and James are visible, handling camera equipment.

Cameraman is apparently Meowth,

as camera angle suggests an extremely short cameraman)

JESSIE: Refresh my memory. *Why* are we doing this taping thing?

MEOWTH (off-camera): To keep us from screwing up again. I read a

management book that said if you tape yourself doing something that you

mess up, you can watch the tape later and find out what went wrong.

JAMES: If I'm gonna be on camera all the time, I'm taking extra hair gel

with me.

JESSIE: Oh, puh-leez! Nobody's going to see these tapes but us! (Puts down

her camera, quickly whips a mirror out of her back pocket and looks in it).

DAMN. . .my eyebrows look crooked!

MEOWTH: There's no time for that! Those brats and that Pikachu are

probably halfway through the Black Woods by now! We gotta go after them!

JESSIE: Keep your shirt on! We're coming! And when we get them. . .

Prepare for trouble! (strikes dramatic pose)

JAMES: Make it double! (strikes dramatic pose)

JESSIE: To protect the world from devastation

JAMES: To unite all people within our nation!

JESSIE: To denounce the evils of truth and love. . .

(NOTE: The infamous Team Rocket chant is a positive identifier of group

members)

OFF-CAMERA VOICES: LOSERS! (Meowth turns abruptly to catch the newcomers

in the shot, two Team Rocket members identified in records only as Butch

and Cassidy.)

BUTCH (green-haired, brown-eyed boy): Well, if it isn't the *wonderful*

Jessie and James. Caught that Pikachu yet?

JESSIE: Not yet. . .but we will!

JAMES: Yeah! We're just about to leave to catch it now!

CASSIDY (girl with long red-gold hair in pigtails, purple eyes) (laughs):

You two couldn't catch a Pikachu. You couldn't even catch a cold.

MEOWTH: HEY! We're gonna make you eat those words! When we get back from the Black Woods. . .

BUTCH: Oh, you're going in the *Black Woods,* are you? Well, you'd better

watch out for the Phantom Pikachu!

CASSIDY: (appears to be baffled) Phantom Pika. . . (Butch elbows her in

the ribs) Oh, yeah, the Phantom Pikachu! It's an evil ghost that haunts all

members of Team Rocket!

BUTCH: It chases them through the woods. . .it makes noises at night. .

.it leaves scary things behind. . .and if it ever catches you. . .

CASSIDY: It'll make one of you face the corner while it kills the others!

JESSIE: Oh, COME ON! We're not scared!

JAMES (clearly rattled): Yeah! We're. . .not. . .scared. . .at. . .all!

BUTCH: Have fun in the woods, you two. (They walk away, laughing).

JAMES: Okay. . .I don't want to go anymore.

JESSIE (strikes James): Moron! You're not going to let a stupid story like

that scare you, are you?

JAMES: Well. . .

MEOWTH: There's no Phantom Pikachu out there! It's just a story! You think

those kids would go in that part of the woods if it were really haunted?

JAMES: Maybe?

JESSIE: (grabs James by the shirt) You want those two to be right about

us? That we can't catch Pikachu? WE'RE GOING IN THAT FOREST, OR I'LL GIVE

YOU SOMETHING TO *REALLY* BE AFRAID OF!

JAMES: Okay, okay. . .

* * *

(Next tape, shot from Jessie's camera. The group is entering the woods).

JESSIE: Okay, where do we go?

MEOWTH: If they're going to the city, they'd be traveling north. (He looks

at a compass, then points the way.)

JAMES: (slumps over, appears depressed) I'm cold. I'm tired. This pack

weighs a ton. Can we stop to rest now?

JESSIE: We're only been traveling THIRTY SECONDS!

JAMES: Really? It felt like hours!

(A fist comes out from behind the camera and hits James over the head)

JAMES: Well, when you put it that way. . .(He starts to walk, still

slumped over).

* * *

(Next tape. Shot from James' camera. The group is walking deeper in the woods).

JESSIE: I don't see a single sign of them.

MEOWTH: Me neither. I think we're going the wrong way.

JESSIE: What are you talking about? We're going the right way. The city is

this way! I'm sure of it!

MEOWTH: I don't know. . .

JESSIE: (wheels around on her heel) WE'RE GOING THE RIGHT WAY, DAMMIT!

(Apparently quite upset, face red).

MEOWTH: Okay, okay. . .sheesh. . .

(A Butterfree [butterfly Pokemon] drifts into the camera's field of vision)

JAMES: A Butterfree! Oh, it's just *so* gorgeous! (A hand comes out from

behind the camera, holding a Pokeball).

JESSIE: What the *hell* are you doing?

JAMES: It's mine! All mine! (He begins to run after it, the camera shaking

and jogging violently as he runs. The sound of running feet and the other

two shouting can be heard off-camera.)

MEOWTH: Hey! Get back here!

JESSIE: You're going the wrong way!

(Finally, the Butterfree flies out of view. James slows down, then stops).

JAMES: (whining) Darn. . .it got away.

MEOWTH (panting, running in front of the camera): Now you've done it!

We're REALLY off-course!

JESSIE: Don't worry. I know *exactly* where we are. I'll get us out.

JAMES: But Jessie. . .you've never been in the Black Woods before!

JESSIE: I read the map, okay! I KNOW where we're going!

MEOWTH: You'd better be right!

JESSIE: I KNOW I'm right!

* * *

(Tape change, night. Inside the tent. Meowth is filming. The three are

squashed together in close quarters).

MEOWTH: It's a little. . .small, don't you think?

JESSIE: It's the only tent Giovanni would give us.

JAMES: (pouting, sulking) I'll bet Butch and Cassidy would get a *huge* one.

JESSIE: The hell with them! By the time we leave this forest, we'll have

proved them wrong! We're gonna bring back Pikachu! (She lies down). Now

let's get some sleep. (There is a pause, camera being turned off, then

turned back on a short time later. When it begins again, there's rustling

and humming noises outside the tent, and Jessie is peeking outside with a

flashlight).

JESSIE: Hello? Hello? Is anyone out there? James, Meowth, do you hear that?

JAMES: It's the Phantom Pikachu!

JESSIE: It's not the Phantom Pikachu. It's. . .a bird! Yes, that's it!

(The noise continues). No, no Phantom Pikachu. . .nothing out there at all.

. . (Her voice sounds as if she's nervous, despite her words).

MEOWTH: You're scared to death!

JESSIE: (turns around abruptly, furious) I'm NOT SCARED!

JAMES: No, you're not scared. You're terrified.

JESSIE: I'LL GIVE YOU TWO SOMETHING TO BE TERRIFIED OF! (She leaps toward

the camera. There are two strangled cries. The picture goes black).

* * *

(Next tape. Outside the tent, morning. Shot from Jessie's camera, which is

focused on what looks like three piles of rocks).

JESSIE: James. . .Meowth. . .take a look at this!

JAMES: (off-camera) (screams) Remember what Butch and Cassidy said about

the Phantom Pikachu? It leaves things behind! It's after us, Jessie! These

are. . .MAKESHIFT GRAVES!

JESSIE: Don't be ridiculous! It can't be the Phantom Pikachu. . .can it?

(Pause.)

JESSIE AND JAMES: WE'RE GONNA DIE!!!!

MEOWTH (coming into view): Keep it down, willya? I didn't get a wink of

sleep last night!

JAMES: But Meowth. . .the Phantom Pikachu. . .

(Switch to Meowth's camera, looking up at Jessie and James)

MEOWTH: I don't know about no Phantom Pikachu. All I know is that in the

middle of the night, somebody kissed me and called me Bruce. (Jessie and

James both start to whistle and look away).

(Meowth swerves the camera so it rests on what Jessie and James were

looking at. ) Yuk. Dried Jigglypuff poop. (No answer from the other two -

perhaps they had already moved on, or perhaps were too embarassed to

answer).

* * *

(Next tape, later that day. James' camera. The three are walking slowly

through the woods. Meowth appears to be getting tired; Jessie seems to be

trying to cover up her own fatigue).

MEOWTH: We are *so* lost.

JESSIE: We are NOT lost. I KNOW where we're going.

MEOWTH: We should have overtaken those brats by now!

JESSIE: They're headed north. We're headed north. What's the problem?

MEOWTH: The *problem* is we went way off-course, thanks to somebody who

just *had* to catch a Butterfree.

JAMES: But it was such a beautiful Butterfree! Did you see the way it was

fluttering around? I just *had* to have it! It was just so. . me!

MEOWTH: (sotto voce) You can say that again. (They walk a bit in silence).

Jessie, we've got to try another direction.

JESSIE: Dammit, Meowth, don't you trust me? Let me see the map. (Pause).

Who's got the map? (The picture begins to shake slightly, cameraman's hands

seem to be trembling). Come on, James, you must know where it is! What

happened to my map?

JAMES: That was. . .our map?

JESSIE: What did you *think* it was?

JAMES: (camera starts to shake harder and faster) Well, it was so wrinkled

and dirty, I thought it was just a piece of trash that got into our bags. .

.and I. . .kicked it in the creek.

JESSIE: YOU IDIOT!!! (She flies toward the camera, which crashes to the

ground. The picture shows just a blurred image of the ground, but the

soundtrack carries what seems to be the sounds of screaming and fits

hitting flesh).

* * *

(Tape change. Night, in the tent again. Meowth's camera).

JAMES: Jessie, aren't you talking to me?

JESSIE: (not looking at him) Shut up, moron.

JAMES: I didn't realize how important that map was, Jessie. It was a

cruddy map. You could hardly read it. . .

JESSIE: Meowth, could you please tell this idiot that I'm not talking to him?

MEOWTH: I am NOT getting involved with this. I told BOTH of you we were

lost. But did you listen? Noooo!(Movement at the sides of the picture

indicate the presence of an Arbok [evolved snake Pokemon] and a Weezing

[evolved poison Pokemon] in the tent with them). Why'd you have to let them

out of the Pokeballs, anyway? As if it wasn't crowded enough in here!

JESSIE: I want them out in case. . .something happens!

MEOWTH: Oh, you're afraid that Phantom Pikachu might come back?

JESSIE: I DID NOT SAY *ANYTHING* ABOUT ANY PHANTOM PIKACHU! (The Arbok can

be seen scraping its body against the tent wall behind her, perhaps itchy

and uncomfortable). I just want to make sure everyone is safe, okay? (She

seems to be trying to maintain an air of calm, but her hands are fidgeting

with her sleeping bag). There could be wild Raticates in the woods! Or

Ghastlys! Or. . .(The Arbok slips out of the tent, she appears not to

notice). Well, really, really horrible things! (A rustling noise starts

outside the tent) What's that? It's starting again! Do you hear it?. .

.IT'S ALL AROUND US!

JAMES: Don't worry! I've got it under control! (He points at the Weezing)

Weezing! Go! (The Pokemon starts out of the tent, but gets stuck in the

small opening. It releases a blast of poison gas, obviously intended for

whatever was outside, but it goes into the tent instead. All three

occupants choke, their eyes bugging out, and collapse).

MEOWTH (line translated as best able due to coughing): The Phantom Pikachu

isn't going to kill us. . .*you two* are!

JAMES: Shut up!

* * *

(Next scene in sequence. Following morning. James' camera. The picture

bounces around as if he were staggering out of the tent, then pans the

scene outside, passing by a shot of strips of shed Arbok skin hanging from

a tree. The Arbok which appeared in the previous day's footage is curled up

at the tree's base. The camera continues panning, then abruptly snaps back

to the tree. A scream is heard.)

JAMES: (screams) THERE'S EVIL STUFF IN THE TREE! THERE'S EVIL STUFF IN THE

TREE! (He starts running back toward the tent). Jessie. . .look at this!

(Jessie comes into view, and looks up at the tree. Her expression looks

horrified.)

JESSIE: What is it?

JAMES: It looks like. . .skin! Like it skinned something alive!

JESSIE: (struggling to remain calm) James. . .we're getting out of here.

Now. (She notices her Pokemon). Arbok! What are you doing out here? That

thing could have gotten you! (The Pokemon raises its head and just stares

at her - perplexed?) I've got to get your Pokeball. . . (Both of them walk

toward the bags. Jessie picks hers up and looks into it. Suddenly, her eyes

grow wide, an a look of pure horror slowly spreads over her face. ) James.

. .oh, NO!

JAMES: What is it?

JESSIE: (drops the bag) It's awful. . .it's so, so awful. . .

JAMES: (anxious) What? What?

JESSIE: (seems barely able to get the words out and on the verge of tears)

Someone got into our stuff. . .and stole. . .the blue bag.

JAMES: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (sobs)

(Next sequence apparently filmed by Meowth. As he exits the tent; the shot

shakes and jostles the same way it did when James left the tent. Jessie and

James are revealed sitting in crumpled heaps on the ground, heads down.)

MEOWTH: What the hell happened? Somebody died?

JESSIE: No. . .it's worse!

JAMES: THEY. . .STOLE. . .THE. . .BLUE. . .BAG!!!!

MEOWTH: Blue bag?

JESSIE AND JAMES: OUR BEAUTY SUPPLIES!

JESSIE: My hairspray!

JAMES: My gel!

JESSIE: My eyelash curler!

JAMES: My blackhead strips!

JESSIE: My eyeliner!

JAMES: My moisturizer!

BOTH: GONE! ALL GONE! (They cling to each other and sob.)

MEOWTH: Oh, come on! At least we still have our food!

JESSIE AND JAMES: (their heads snap up in unison) FOOD? WHO NEEDS FOOD?

MEOWTH (sotto voce): I work with idiots.

* * *

(Next tape. Walking through woods. Shot from James' camera.)

MEOWTH: Hey! Quit using up all our tissues!

JESSIE (rapidly dabbing at her forehead as she walks): I can't let sweat

get down to my eyes! It'll melt my mascara and eyeliner, and I can't

replace it!

JAMES: I can feel my pores clogging as we speak!

JESSIE: (reaching in bag for another tissue) This is *awful.* Things

couldn't *possibly* be worse.

MEOWTH: (stops) Hey. . .isn't that the same log across the river we saw

yesterday?

JESSIE: What are you talking about? There's *no way* it could be the same log.

MEOWTH: I *know* it's the same log! Look! (He points to something at its

base. James comes in closer, and the camera reveals it's an inscription

that says, "James wuz here! 8/26/98". The shot then pulls back to reveal

Jessie, who is staring at the words looking shell-shocked).

JESSIE: It's. . .the. . .same. . .log. . .

MEOWTH: You got us lost! We're walking around in circles!

JESSIE: I did NOT get us lost! (Points at James) HE did!

JAMES: I did NOT! All I did was follow a Butterfree!

JESSIE: You got us off the path!

JAMES: We weren't going anywhere anyway!

JESSIE: We *were.*

JAMES: No, we weren't!

JESSIE: We WERE!

JAMES: We WEREN'T!

(Suddenly, there is a closeup of Meowth's paw, then darkness. First James,

then Jessie let out shrieks. When the picture clears, Jessie has scratches

all over her face, and James can be heard saying, "Owie, owie, owie. . .")

MEOWTH: We're not gonna solve anything sitting around fighting! Now let's

try going in a different direction! We went north before, let's go east.

(He checks the compass and starts off. Nobody follows him). WELL? (There is

a pause, then James starts to walk toward Meowth).

JESSIE: FINE! Go your way, and I'll go mine! (James and Meowth start to

walk away in one direction; retreating footsteps indicated that Jessie is

going in another. This continues for about 20 seconds. Then, there is a

loud rustling behind them - possibly a Pokemon? - followed by the sound of

running footsteps. Jessie pulls up even with James.) Well, I can't leave

you two alone with that Phantom Pikachu around. I'm staying with you. .

.but just for *your* protection.

MEOWTH: (grumbling) Yeah, right. . .

* * *

(Nextsequence. . .at first, darkness and then the sound of something

being adjusted on the soundtrack. Meowth backs away from the camera, which

has apparently been placed on a tripod. He sits down next to Jessie and

James, who appear to be shaken).

JAMES: (combing his hair with his fingers) My hair has gone limp! I can't

stand it!

JESSIE: Shut up! You have *no* idea how bad *I* have it! My legs are

getting stubbly!

MEOWTH: Look, can we *please* stop complaining for five minutes and try to

find the *bright side* to all this?

JESSIE: Bright side? To being lost in the woods with no way out and being

stalked by someone or something?

JAMES: To getting uglier by the minute?

MEOWTH: Aww, come on! We gotta be able to think of *something*!

(All three sigh, then pause. The shadow of a Clefairy bouncing around

outside becomes visible on the rear tent wall to the camera, but the

members of Team Rocket appear not to notice).

JAMES: I know! When we're all done with this. . .we can take all this

footage we're shooting, edit it down to about an hour and a half, put it in

an independent film festival, get a distribution deal and become

multi-millionaires!

(Jessie hits him).

JESSIE: You idiot! Who would be stupid enough to pay good money to watch

three people filming themselves wandering around the woods lost?

(At that moment, the Clefairy trips, falls, and lands hard against the

wall of the tent, making it collapse. The three occupants of the tent all

jump, mouths and eyes open wide as they scream, hair almost literally

standing on end. They run from the tent, Meowth grabbing the camera. They

continue to run into the woods, screaming all the way. James bumps into a

tree, looks at it for a split second, and lets out an even louder scream,

apparently thinking it's something sinister. He puts on an extra burst of

speed and knocks into Jessie, sending them both tumbling to the ground.

They look at each other, scream again, and run out of camera range.)

* * *

(Next tape, following morning, Jessie's camera. Groaning can be heard on

the soundtrack as she exits the tent and the camera bobbles around

unsteadily, then comes to rest on a bundle of sticks).

JESSIE: Great. Now what? (She picks the sticks up.)

JAMES (behind Jessie): They said I couldn't catch Pikachu, I couldn't even

catch a cold. Well, I proved them wrong! (sniffle) I caught a cold!

JESSIE: Big deal! Hold this for a second, willya? (The camera wobbles; she

has apparently passed it to him).

JAMES: What is it?

(Jessie unties the sticks. They fall away, revealing three peach pits. She

lets out a bloodcurdling scream).

JESSIE: (Screams) IT'S SHRIVELED HUMAN HEARTS! IT'S SHRIVELED HUMAN HEARTS!!!

JAMES: (Screams) (The camera jerks and bounces wildly, suggesting they are

running away from the scene).

* * *

(Next tape, from James' camera, which is swerving frantically back and forth).

JAMES: I don't see him. I don't see him anywhere.

JESSIE: He couldn't have just run out on us.

JAMES: He'd never leave by himself.MEOWTH! Meowth, where are you?

JESSIE: MEOWTH!

JAMES: MEEEEEOOOOWWWWTH!!!

(The camera bounces frantically, as if he were running through the woods,

parting bushes and looking in clumps of grass).

JAMES: It's NO USE! He's GONE! The Phantom Pikachu got him! It's gonna get

us all, one by one! WE'RE NEVER GONNA GET OUT OF THIS FOREST ALIVE!!! I'M

ALL OUT OF HAIR DYE AND MOISTURIZER AND I'M GONNA DIE UGLY!!!

(He starts to cry hysterically, thena shadow falls across his path. The

camera jerks abruptly and a shriek is heard.)

MEOWTH'S VOICE (off camera): What? You'd think you'd never seen me before!

JAMES: MEOWTH! YOU'RE ALIVE! (The camera swerves toward Meowth, who looks

quite calm).

MEOWTH: Of course I'm alive! I found a place to get washed. Unlike other

people. (He grimaces and waves his paw in front of his face in a "phew!"

gesture).

JAMES: YAAAY! (The camera drops to the ground, recording James' feet

running away).

MEOWTH'S VOICE (off-camera): No, you don't have to hug me. . .no, that's

okay!. . .AAAIIEEEE!! GAAK!

* * *

(Tape change. The woods, late afternoon, seen from Jessie's camera. The

camera is moving slowly, and James and Meowth are plodding. Their faces

bear looks of heavy fatigue. They have apparently been traveling without a

break for several hours.)

MEOWTH: Hey, James. . .your roots are starting

to look a bit brown!

JAMES (grumbling): Shut up.

(They continue to plod along in silence).

* * *

(Abrupt scene change. Night. The camera shows an extreme close-up of

Jessie's face from just the nose up. Her eyes look terrified and are full

of tears).

JESSIE: I just want to say I'm sorry. This is all my fault. I was the one

who insisted we weren't lost, I was the one who insisted we keep moving

north. It's because of me that we ended up like we are now - ugly, cold and

hunted. (There is a rustling noise in the background. Her eyes dart around

fearfully). What was that?. . . I want to apologize to my family, and

James' family (mumbled, under her breath) except for that bitch Jessiebell,

who can kiss my patootie. (Back to normal speech) I'm so, so scared. . .I

know we're going to die out here. . .

JAMES (off-camera): Jessie, do we have any more trail mix?

JESSIE: (her head turns aruptly toward him) SHUT UP! I'm trying to make

myself look sympathetic!

MEOWTH (off-camera): You're not sympathetic. You're just pathetic.

(The picture suddenly goes blurry, and there is a loud CRUNCH on the

soundtrack. When the camera becomes still, it's focused on the ground,

where Meowth is lying with a large bump on his head).

JAMES: Jessie! That wasn't nice!

JESSIE: The HELL with nice! (The camera joggles around as she apparently

replaces it on the tripod; she steps back until her full face can be seen).

If I'm going to die, I'm going to tell Giovanni *exactly* what I think of

him! Are you watching this tape, boss? Then I've got a few things to say to

you. You're a @#$%. And a &!#%. And a #+&^ing @?+*!!!! (In the background,

James can be seen cringing.) Not to mention a ^/%$!!! AND JAMES FEELS THE

SAME WAY!!!! (James faints).

* * *

(Next sequence, daytime. Shot from Jessie's camera of a house, seemingly

old and in poor state of repair, in the woods).

JESSIE: Look! Do I see applecores outside of that house?

JAMES (weary, slumped over, eyes at half-mast): I don't care anymore. I

just want out of these woods. I want to take a hot bubble bath and watch

soap operas.

JESSIE (hits him): Apple cores mean those brats are hiding out in that

house with Pikachu! Pikachu loves apples!

MEOWTH (grumbling, also looking fatigued): So do half the other creatures

in this hellhole forest.

JESSIE: You two can stay in the forest all day if you want. *I'm* going to

capture Pikachu. (She starts toward the house. James and Meowth can be

heard plodding along after her).

(Jessie enters the house. The camera swerves around, revealing human

handprints and pawprints of various Pokemon on the walls. The house is

otherwise empty. She walks into another room with a fireplace, also empty.

At right is a staircase, which she ascends. Meanwhile, sounds are starting

to be heard below her. . . )

BOY'S VOICE: Bulbasaur! Vine whip!

POKEMON: BULBASAUR!

JAMES' VOICE: JEEEEEESSSSSSIIIIEEEEEE!!!!

GIRL'S VOICE: Starmie! Water gun!

JAMES' VOICE: (glub, glub, glub) JEEEEESSSIEEEEEEE!!!!

(Jessie continues to walk through the upstairs, which is also empty).

SECOND BOY'S VOICE: Vulpix! Fire spin!

JAMES' VOICE: JEEEEEESSSSSSIIIEEEEE!!!! HEEEEEEELP!!! JEEEEESSSSIIIEEEE!!!

(Jessie turns abruptly. She is now facing a corner).

VOICE BEHIND JESSIE: Pi ka CHUUUUU!!! (There is a huge flash of

electricity, then the film goes blank).

END OF TAPES

* * *

END NOTES

I should note here that a couple of days after finding the tapes, I was

speaking to a Pokemon trainer of my acquaintance named Ash Ketchum, whose

Pikachu was the one pursued by Team Rocket. He admitted that he and two

friends had their Pokemon attack James Rocket in the basement of the house,

but he said they didn't mean to harm Team Rocket, just frighten them away.

He also noted that after being attacked by the Vulpix, James Rocket rushed

back up the stairs, and soon afterwards, he heard voices outside shouting,

"Looks like Team Rocket's blasting off again!" But he could offer no

further clues as to what might have happened to them.

Ash Ketchum also shed light on the origin of the sticks with the peach

pits inside. He said that while they were camping in the woods, he and his

two friends each ate a peach. They were concerned about stories they'd

heard about wild Pokemon choking to death on large pits left behind by

humans, so they concealed them within a bundle of sticks, which they tied

up and left behind. He said they had no idea Team Rocket were coming the

same way, and in no way were the objects designed to threaten or frighten

them.

I am still considering the case very much open. I will be leading a team

on an expedition into the Black Woods to find the house in question

tomorrow. Ash Ketchum has given me fairly reliable coordinates as to where

it is.

I will be sure to keep you informed of any further developments.

__________________________________________________________________

EPILOGUE

MEMO

FROM: Officer Jenny

TO: Chief Yoshi

I believe we may have at last solved the case of the disappearance of the

two Team Rocket members. I received a tape in the mail this morning from an

officer in the Orange Islands who knows I have been working on the

investigation. He found the tape half-buried in the sand on a local beach.

. .he's not sure if it was shot there or if it simply washed up. But it is

definitely a tape showing the same subjects as the tapes found in the Black

Woods.

There is a tropical background, and the three appear to have gone

underground as menial workers. The tape was shot by Meowth, and Jessie and

James are seen in public worker coveralls, picking up garbage on a beach.

JESSIE: Meowth, will you *please* turn that thing *off*?

MEOWTH (melodramatically): It's all I have left!

JAMES: (dragging, looking depressed) Jessie, when can we go home? I'm

tired of this job.

JESSIE: We can't go home. Not ever. Remember, we left those tapes behind?

Can you imagine what Giovanni would do if he saw those tapes and then got

his hands on us, after we screwed up so badly?

MEOWTH: After you cussed him out?

JESSIE: SHUT UP!

JAMES: Oh, well, at least tomorrow's payday. We can get more hair stuff. .

.(His pick-up stick hits something, and he picks it up, revealing a stick

figure that resembles a human. He turns pale). Oh, no. . .this was left by.

. .THE PHANTOM PIKACHU! IT'S STILL AFTER US!(He screams and runs out of

camera range).

JESSIE: Come back, you idiot! It's not the Phantom Pikachu!

MEOWTH: Not this AGAIN! (Jessie runs after James. Meowth starts to run

after her, the camera bounces around and then the picture ends).

WRITTEN BY: Sailor Mac (sailormac@wjjz.com)

EDITOR: Steve Savage

ADDITIONAL EDITING: Alicia Ashby

SPECIAL THANKS: The Lemon Tree, The Writers' Alliance, SVAM, Pokemon fanfic

webmasters

"Pokemon" is owned by Nintendo. "The Blair Witch Project" is owned by Haxan

Films and Artisan Entertainment. This is a parody, and no copyright

infringement is intended. Or, as I'm fond of saying at the end of my Sailor

Moon fics. . .These characters (and situation) ain't mine, I'm just

borrowing them for a little while.


End file.
